Over a very short period of time, I went from having a thriving counseling practice, running three or four spiritual groups, and giving readings as a psychic, medium, healer, or spiritual teacher, to sitting all day – every day – in my recliner – in my living room. The only social contacts available to me were my family and my Spirit Guides. The only activities available were those necessary to maintain my health, my home, and my familial relationships. But, thanks to my relationship with Spirit, which creates my Inner Life, I was never truly alone, and did not become depressed, at least not in my heart, or soul. I was, however, lonely, because the phone had stopped ringing, no clients were seeking my counsel, no clients were seeking me as a psychic reader, and my children were grown and off living their own lives. Even my husband was busy, and not home very much. I was alone much of the time, day after day, sitting in my recliner from morning to night, contemplating my life, and my choices. My ever-judging ego/mind was upset with my current conditions, so I felt frustrated, but, powerless to change it, and I missed, mightily, my once busy, fulfilling, outer, or worldly, life. I would meditate to relieve the stress of doing nothing, seeking to let it be O.K. to just ‘be’, but it was always a struggle. The truth was, I was fighting boredom, my worst enemy, and I knew it. I did know, though, that there was a purpose to this, that there was a lesson I was meant to learn, I just wanted to learn it, and get on with my life, but that was part of the lesson, so it dragged on and on, interminably I (identified with my ego) felt at the time.Had it not been for Spirit, the term I use to refer to All those with whom I have contact from, who reside in The Spirit World, I think I would have needed some help, perhaps even medication, to deal with this time in my life, but, Spirit who has been my constant companion since I was a child, were always making sure I knew they were with me, supporting me, even though they could not advise me, or help me, because I was dealing with a karmic lesson, and they are not allowed to interfere with someone’s karma, nor would they want to. They know how important karmic lessons are to the growth and development of the Soul, and they, themselves, would not want anyone to interfere with their karmic lessons either. And I was aware of this, so I was at peace, in my heart, anyway, with all that was occurring in my outer world.
And, thankfully, they are real people to me, who just happen to live in another world, physically invisible to me. They are my closest friends, my spiritual mentors, my guides, and my beloved companions. In these various roles, communicating with me however I could receive them, they have proven to me over these past 50 years that I can trust them, and their information, with my life. Although I was never ‘truly’ alone, I WAS lonely.
So, why did this happen? Why did I end up sitting in my recliner, bored, sad and frustrated with my life? Because my Higher Self was clairaudiently suggesting that I study Astrology, and my ego/mind was blocking this suggestion – blocking it so effectively that I wasn’t receiving it consciously. In retrospect, I remember hearing it as a very subtle, soft, gentle breeze of words, or as an idea, but a very nebulous, fleeting, almost indistinguishable thought. And it was only these two words: Study Astrology.
But my ego/mind had another idea. I, still identified with my ego/mind, had decided that the solution to my boredom and lack of social contacts, was to learn how to read Tarot cards. I wanted to become a Tarot reader. In my mind’s/ego’s opinion anyway, doing so would have filled all of my needs. So, I took immediate action on THIS idea, by purchasing a Tarot deck, and some books on the subject. I then devoted as many hours each day as I could to studying the Tarot.
Each day I’d practice with the deck, and each day I’d hit a roadblock of some kind – either the card spread held no meaning, or else, if I’d asked a question, the cards I’d select did not fit the question. Or, I’d feel no energy coming from the deck. Something was always ‘wrong’. Nothing ever flowed. And, I never once felt Spirit’s presence. This was the most obvious problem, because for me, Spirit’s absence felt the same as if someone had died with whom I’d been living for most of my life.
At first, I didn’t realize it, because they are not always actively participating in my daily life, so it was easy to remain unaware of their abstinence. But, after a few frustrating days with my Tarot deck, I’d ask them for suggestions, and I’d hear, clairaudiently, “Study Astrology”, and I’d try, but it was Hard! I couldn’t even understand one sentence, because I couldn’t understand the words used in the sentence, so I’d give up, and return to the Tarot, believing it was easier, and doable.
In the days and weeks to come, I’d hear this same phrase over and over and over again: Study Astrology. Always the same words. Always said with no criticism, with no judgment. And, again and again, I’d try and quit. Try and quit. I’d create flash cards, or I’d try re-reading the astrology books, or I’d try reading my chart, but again and again I’d lose interest because it didn’t come naturally; it wasn’t easy. And I’d return to the Tarot cards again, telling myself it was the ‘deck’ that was wrong, or that I needed another book, and then “all would be well”, and I’d begin to connect with the cards. As you can tell, I was afraid of learning new things, so I was a tough student, but they were just as tough. They never deviated from their advice, no matter how much drama I created. The solution remained the same: Study Astrology. They have ALWAYS treated me with respect and love. But back to the story.
When learning to listen to any clairaudient message, or when the ego doesn’t want you, the personality, to follow the suggestion, it takes some practice before you realize what it is you ‘are’ hearing, and then, it requires perseverance, self-discipline, self-control, strength and courage to act on it, but you always “KNOW” what you are supposed to be doing…always. And you don’t have to be psychic or intuitive. We all have a built-in ‘Knowing’ sensation that is part of who we are. We were all created equally with this felt sense, now known as Intuition. It used to be called your Gut Instinct. Psychically seen, or heard information was referred to as your Imagination.
But it was WEEKS of hearing this same message, clairaudiently from Spirit, and 8 or more tarot decks later, plus trying to design my own deck, before my ego was finally so disheartened by my inability to work with the Tarot, that I ‘heard’, and was able to follow the message, with my Conscious Mind, and not quit when the going got rough, when I’d have no progress for days at a time; when I’d have to re-read and re-read the same paragraph two or three times and still not understand it. When I had to look up each word in a dictionary just to make sense of the sentence. It took me three months, at a minimum of 15 minutes a day of studying Astrology, before I could understand any of it.
But, thanks to the Power, Wisdom and Love of my Higher Self, my fears of failure, and my self-doubt, and everything else my ego/mind threw at me, was forced to dissolve, and, eventually lost its power over me, because I would no longer give in to it. I would tell it, repeatedly, “I hear you, but I am no longer listening. I am following my heart, and my intuition now. They are my new ‘boss’. They are the ones I am trusting today.” I’d have to repeat this again and again, as soon as I became aware that once again I was full of fear, or doubt about ever becoming an astrologer. And I had to do it as I studied, as I worked with other astrologers, as I taped the lectures I attended, offered by the local astrological organization, as I practiced interpreting first my own chart and then those of my friends and families. But, never did my ego let up. Always it would judge the situation as wrong or bad, and each time it did, I’d go into fear, or doubt, and have to take my five trusted steps up out of the Pit of Despair, as I called it: by reminding myself that my ego told lies – that it only gave false information, so “Stop judging”, I’d say to myself. Then, “Let it be O.K. because it IS.” Next, I’d have to seek to understand why I had judged the person, situation or thing in the first place, because I had to understand to change, or to accept and forgive, and heal. But, slowly, and with Spirit’s constant support, faith began to replace the doubt and fear within me; and with faith came security and inner peace. These were my rewards, but, first, I had to: Surrender my ego/my personal will, and put in the time and effort required to change this habit pattern which was to live by Societal Law, often very different from God’s Laws, or Universal Laws.It was, perhaps 2-3 years of study and practice, before my Higher Self decided I was ready, willing and able to successfully act as a channel and interpret a natal/birth chart for a stranger. And, it came as a complete surprise to me, without any warning from Spirit, and from a population I had never considered as clients: parents interested in chart interpretations for their newborn babies.
Within a few days, I had received 9 requests for chart interpretations, 7 for newborn babies. For a few days, I just gyrated in place, too stunned to do anything, and then my ego let go, making room for Spirit to enter, to remind me that all I had to do was to apply this talent to Astrology, and hope my clients liked my style – straight-forward, blunt, direct, and alas, no candy-coating. I knew I was about 85-90% accurate, based on feedback from prior clients, and I was comforted by the fact that all of the astrological information in the interpretation was channeled THROUGH me, not therefore not FROM me. This meant that although I was responsible for the accuracy, I was not responsible for the content. I was just the Water Pipe. Their Spirit Guide or Higher Self was the Source of all that I shared. Of this I was certain. And this gave me confidence.
But, 5 of these 7 charts were unique. These children seemed to be very spiritually advanced souls, incarnating into new baby bodies. This was my first experience with the charts of ‘very spiritually advanced souls’, and for some reason I didn’t expect to meet an ‘advanced soul’, for the first time, in the charts of new born babies. Nor was I prepared for the purity of their Souls, or Higher Selves, with whom I was conversing. There were many firsts: to be channeling as an astrologer; to be channeling an Higher Self, rather than a Spirit Guide, to be channeling, and therefore, dialoguing with a Soul of a ‘baby’, or very young child and to be channeling for spiritually advanced souls.
Even in my practice, I’d had little experience with ‘advanced souls’, such as I was both feeling psychically from the souls of these children, and what was being confirmed by the descriptions of their charts, by the authors of the astrology books I was using at the time, to augment my psychic interpretation.
So, I sought some knowledge of spiritually advanced souls, and Spirit guided me to metaphysician, Doreen Virtue, PhD, albeit through her book, The Lightworker’s Way, which led me to ‘Google’ her name, which led me to her Angel Forum, which led me to her work with the Crystal Children, which opened my mind to Spirit’s suggestion that I post a request for birth information there, as their way of determining whether or not I could ‘see’ psychic abilities in the birth or natal chart.
And, thanks to the overwhelming response, and the innumerable requests for chart interpretations, I have now done over 300 chart interpretations for these Crystal Children, and their families, and confidently call myself a spiritual astrologer. My Higher Self is at the helm, and my Spirit Guides, work with the Souls/Spirit guides/Higher Self of my ‘client’, and together, they are my psychic, intuitive, astrological interpreters. That was some three years ago now.
But, there were “Conditions or Rules” imposed by Spirit. I could accept them and serve others as a spiritual astrologer, or I could go back to my recliner in my living room. Needless, to say, I accepted their rules and conditions, and it was one of my best decisions to date, as I’ve grown to LOVE being the channel for these souls, and for those connected to them in the Spirit World. There are no words to express the honor they pay me, by choosing me as their spiritual astrologer. If ever there was a convincing argument to surrender my personal will to God/Higher Self, this was it for me. There is simply NO comparison to the quality of my life before and after my Higher Self introduced Itself to me, and ‘took control’ of my life.
These are the Rules and Conditions I follow as Spirit’s Messenger:
First, I was informed that I was working ONLY for the Higher Self, or Spirit Guide of the Soul of the Client, who was making the physical request for the chart interpretation. This meant I had to receive permission from the Higher Self/Spirit Guide/Spirit Spokesperson BEFORE I could do the interpretation. I learned that, without Spirit working with me, giving me the information psychically or intuitively, the chart was just a jumble of meaningless symbols to me. The only way it took on any meaning was when Spirit, or Someone from the Spirit World, guided me, explaining the chart symbols, and the various aspects to me.
Secondly, I was informed that I must share EVERYTHING that was given to me, by Spirit, regardless of how I might be judging the incoming information.
Third, the client received ONLY that which their Higher Self/Spirit Guide gave me – not what ‘they’ wanted, or hoped to receive. They were powerless over this process, over what they would be told, and sometimes it was difficult information to share, but, once again, it was the only way I could do the interpretation. It was Spirit’s way or not at all. My personality, or outer self, and, my ego were not happy, because my personality is a ‘people-pleaser’. I didn’t like to make waves, so this was difficult for my mind/ego, but my heart was ‘singing’ with joy because it KNEW this was for my highest good and the highest good of all involved. My heart felt as if it had ‘died and gone to heaven’. It was ecstatic. This is the Process of Surrender. It is the willingness to let your heart, and intuition, become your Inner Guide, and to learn to live with the fear and doubt this decision creates in your mind, from your ego.
And, fourth, the interpretation is done in “their’ time and in ‘their way, not mine. For me to be able to accurately and clearly write up the interpretation, I must have experienced the same experience that the client needs to develop, or has mastered. So, for example, to do the charts of psychically talented children, I, myself had to be psychic. Or, if the lesson for the client involves patience, and I do not understand what is entailed in developing this virtue, then, before I can do the chart interpretation, I must experience patience in my own life, in very ordinary ways, for as long as it takes, until I am able to clearly and accurately explain it, in writing, to the client, or if the client is a child, to the parent who has requested the chart interpretation. Time is irrelevant to Spirit. So, if it requires weeks, oh well, then weeks it is.
Today, my life is once again rich – emotionally, mentally and spiritually. I have inner peace and security. My faith is expanding every day, in every area of my life. To earn these rewards, I had to surrender my personal wishes, my personal desires, my personal wants and needs (read ego), and agree to do as my Higher Self requested. Today, when asked to surrender, I do so immediately and with indescribable joy and gratitude, because it gives me yet another opportunity to expand the union with the Divine in me, so I can commune with the Divine in you.
May we all learn to surrender our ego’s personal desires to the wishes and recommendations of our Higher Self, so that we may experience inner peace within, with others, and with the World. Namaste.