In my 30’s and 40’s, I earned a Bachelor of Arts degree in Psychology at Northeastern University, and a Masters of Arts degree in Clinical Pastoral Counseling at Emmanuel College. In my master’s program, I majored in addictions: cause, effect and recovery.
My path began:
God introduced Himself to me as an 11-year-old girl, when I had been raped by my father, and was feeling so very alone in this world. I was wracking my brain to think of to whom I could turn for help, when a Voice spoke in my head, saying “forgive him for he knows not what he has done (to you)”. I knew immediately this was the Voice of God, because of all of the things I would have expected to hear, this was not even in my imagination! Only God, or One like Him could have suggested such a thing at a time like this. I knew, beyond any shadow of a doubt, that what I was hearing was true, and so I began to follow His advice. He and I have had a personal relationship ever since, and I have been His servant since that night.
Everyone is being guided, and we all have intuition.You were created with it. Everyone is born with both a Spirit Guide and a guardian angel, whether you are aware of it or not. However, whenever you judge incoming information as either wrong or bad, you block your access to your Spirit Guide, and others from the Spirit World. Your mind tells you they do not exist because your mind is incapable of contact with them. This creates many false beliefs about Spirit Guides, life after death, or whatever is of the Spirit, and their world, because it is invisible. Your intuitive, or sixth sense, is in your heart center and can only be accessed from there. This is the first step to becoming psychic and intuitive.
Coming Out Of The Closet
When I was just beginning my Spiritual journey, consciously, and with awareness, every time I asked the Universe/God/my Higher Self, “WHY?” my answer came as a vision.
Meeting Jesus: A Clairvoyant Vision of a Past Life
I was born psychic and intuitive. Today? Blessings, both of them, but cursed is how I felt until I was in my mid-30’s. One of my most unique psychic talents is my ability to clairvoyantly, and easily, see past lives. Mine and others. I think I can because, like anything else, they have been needed for me to understand why I am, who I am; why I am here now; why my life has been as it has been, and most importantly, how to heal it when I don’t like it; when I am in so much pain I want to die, and be reborn someone else. It is during these times of utter desolation, of near-suicidal states of mind, in more fear than I can describe, emotionally and mentally desolate, lost, and ready to give up, that my Higher Self/God, or a Universal Force, comes to my rescue with Comfort.
I capitalize Comfort because it comes in myriad forms, and in myriad ways, too numerous to explain, but no matter the form, or lack of form, it always comforts me, always gives me a reason to go on. Always gives me the feeling that I am loved. Loveable. Helpful to someone other than myself. That life is worth living. That I am not alone. That I am good enough just the way I am. That I can –will always receive help when I truly need it, whether I ask for it or not. It is just There. Always Available. I have to do nothing, to receive it. Nothing.
One of ways Spirit, or my Higher Self, gives me the understanding I am seeking, is to give me a Vision. I’ll be in my body, doing something of little or no consequence at the time, and all of a sudden, I’ll get a picture on the screen of my mind, at about the forehead level. All I can see is this moving picture playing out in front of me, one scene after another. It always answers the question I have been asking about why my life is as painful as it is at the moment, regardless of the particular situation. These were my days of feeling like a victim, often full of self-pity. It was these visions that taught me that I was not a victim, no matter (outer) appearances to the contrary. I’d like to begin my story with one of these past-life visions.
This one begins with my Higher Self setting up my meeting with Jesus, while he walked this Earth, teaching Christianity. I use these terms lightly today, but for years I searched for them, worked hard at trying to think of words that were universal in meaning, words that I could use to communicate my thoughts, beliefs, theories, and ideas to others so I could be accepted, approved of, and most of all understood.
In the vision, I was living, or surviving, in a village somewhere in that area of the world where Jesus was teaching at the time. I honestly don’t know where that was, and can’t even speculate. I know it only by the landscape I saw, in my vision. It was an arid, desert- like landscape, flat for miles, but not sand, as I know it, more like dry, pale yellow, or beige, dirt, something I haven’t seen in this life. There was what I’d describe as ‘scrub’ or low dry bushes with no leaves on them, and dust, whenever you took a step.
I lived in a village in the ‘middle of nowhere’. There was no civilization outside of the village walls, which were locked at night. I lived there alone with my young daughter. My husband, if I was married, which I do not know, had gone off to war, and I had no money, and no way to earn any. One day, one of the men in the village, took a sexual interest in me, and offered to give me some food for servicing him. I needed medicine for my daughter, and had been lamenting because I had no money to buy it, and was quite upset about it. I believed she needed it, and felt deep remorse and helplessness because I couldn’t provide it. It was then that I was propositioned, and I agreed, seeing this as an opportunity to provide basic necessities for both my daughter and myself.
Word got around that I was offering my body for our basic survival needs, and soon I had a good business. Then, one of the wives found out, and was furious, as I can understand, and she turned me in to the local village Authorities.
There is a gap here, and the next scene I see is me standing before a judge who is sentencing me for prostitution. He decides to banish me from the village. I am devastated, because I know, as do all those listening, that this is a death sentence to me. There is nothing outside the walls of the village to sustain life, no water, no food. But, it is as he decreed, so I gather together a small bundle, with some food and water, and I say good-bye to my daughter, who is about 2-3 years old at the time. I have decided that I cannot take her with me as I do not expect to live…and so I leave her with some friends, who will raise her as their own daughter. It is a tearful time for us, but I can see no other solution.
I leave the village, early the next morning, and set out across the desert. After many hours of walking, tired, terribly afraid, and alone, I see what I think, at first, must be a mirage far ahead in the distance: People. There are people sitting on the side of a hill, and they are listening to someone who is speaking. (I realize there are gaps that the rational mind says must mean this false, but it is true. I just can’t explain the gaps. It is how my visions manifest. It will be for you to judge the truth of what I say.) I am so relieved there are no words to explain my feelings…they are all rushing through me..as my eyes take in this sight. First, I am not going to die in the desert of starvation or dehydration. Second, there is someone else alive out here; and I am no longer alone.
The next thing I know I am lowering myself down, on the fringe of this group of people, not wanting to intrude, but also not wanting to be alone. I cannot hear what the speaker is saying because I am too full of my own emotions. The relief is flooding through me, and I am trying not to cry with the feeling of living again.
Then, before I know it, the speaker has stopped talking, because he is standing before me, as I sit. I had not even known that the others had gotten up and begun to leave. But, here he was speaking to me. I left my inner thoughts and looked up at him. He had placed his hand on my right shoulder, and was speaking to me, but I had not been hearing him, because I was still too caught up in my own inner thoughts…Then, I heard his words. What he might have said before them, I don’t know, but these I have never forgotten. He said, “ In the eyes of our Father, you have not sinned. Rise and follow me.”
I thought I was hearing things, could not believe my ears…I thought, “What? What?” This is impossible!” I knew I HAD sinned, knew that what I had done in my village had been very wrong, and that I had deserved to be punished for it. So, who was this man and why was he saying I had NOT sinned? These were the questions going through my mind as he looked down at me, and I, up at him. But, still, I did as he requested, and decided to take advantage of the moment, even if it went away soon after.
But, it never went away. Jesus was true to his word, and he did provide for me for as long as he lived. I became one of his followers, and he became my Master, my Teacher, and my God. I witnessed his crucifixion, and stayed on with his mother and sisters after his death, teaching what he had taught me. I became a Christian, although not as this word or religion is defined today. Today, the religion Jesus taught, that I embraced is now known as The Ancient Wisdom.
His complete acceptance, approval and forgiveness of me as a prostitute, one who had been banished from her own people, created a number of strong feelings: an infinite, never-ending feeling of gratitude, a feeling of indebtedness, and a strong desire to follow in his footsteps: to teach what he had taught me, to give what he had given to me – unconditional love. I also wanted to heal as he had healed me, with love and kindness for all living things. It was all that I wanted to do, and it is what brought me here, this time. I worshiped him. I idolized him, and I idealized him, because he saved my life. It is why I incarnated. However, as will be described in the next chapter, I was ignorant of the Cosmic Laws, and very naïve, and therefore unaware that I could not succeed, could not accomplish this life goal. I believed that Man was God, and therefore worshipped, idolized and idealized any man I met who reminded me of Jesus, or who I thought possessed his character, beginning with my own biological father.
Jesus taught of God, His father; I just didn’t understand it, and so ignored it. My Council of Elders tried …hard… to explain all of this to me, before I incarnated, and lived out this lesson in painful day-to-day experiences. But I was closed to their advice. I believed I knew what I was talking about. I did not understand that I was ignorant about many things, most importantly, the Five Cosmic Laws that govern the Universe, and the Law of Karma, in particular, in this instance.
These Cosmic/Universal Laws are:
The Law of Reincarnation
The Law of Karma
The Law of Correspondence
The Law of Equilibrium
The Law of Opportunity
We are all governed by them, in my opinion, whether we know it or not. It is why we live in a perfect Universe. It is a Universe governed by immutable laws. Jesus taught me that there is a huge difference between Society’s/ Man’s Laws and God’s/Cosmic/Universal Laws described above. Because I didn’t understand Jesus’ teachings about these laws, I am here now learning about them. They are the foundation of my intuitive “knowings” – the feeling that I get when I know that something is true beyond any shadow of a doubt. There is no room for my ego to argue with me. It is silent. It, too, knows the truth when it hears it. It just doesn’t like it. The truth holds the power, too, another thing the ego hates, but bows to, just the same, realizing it is powerless over this Force. These Laws keep us all safe, wherever we are. They are the reason there are no victims, no accidents, no mistakes. They are the foundation of the truth that we live in a perfect universe. And to surrender to these laws is the way to live happily ever after. Whenever we resist, it is only the little self, the ego self, that is trying to get its wishes filled, and the Universe is saying “No”. the Universe always wins in the end, so it is easier for us when we can “surrender our will” and go with the universal flow…taking the path that opens to us. There always is one. Always.
And when we don’t, or can’t due to ignorance or fear, then we have an incarnation such as I did this time: one filled with pain and suffering, because I have been identified with my ego/desire self. And whenever I surrender, or let go, the pain stops instantly, and I am filled with a peace so wonderful that I want to stay in it forever. It is this feeling that motivates me to keep on keeping on, taking each hurdle as it appears before me.
I lived as a Materialist, in this life, until I could acknowledge my psychic gifts, and trust them to correct my misconceptions about Man versus God as the Universal Authority. All of this life has been to learn this by being repeatedly disappointed when Men in Authority let me down, couldn’t sustain the perfection that Jesus lived. I met many men who tried, many men on the Path, but none were as evolved as Jesus, which is what I had to learn to discern. Once I learned this lesson, I sought to learn Who God is, or What God is. And now I have, or at least enough for me to know that I can trust Him, whatever or whoever ‘He’ is…I don’t agree that He is a Human, or a He, but lack the words to describe Him any better. It somehow doesn’t work for me, because “It” has no conscience, no life, is inanimate. I wanted to write a book once I learned that God was real. I wanted to differentiate him from Man as the Authority, and to explain why I trust Him with my life, and therefore use Him to make every decision these days, but only after living almost a full incarnation as a Materialist, one who doesn’t believe in anything that does not have form, and cannot be empirically proven by one of our five senses.
Today, though, I am a spiritualist, meaning I do believe in that which is invisible, that there IS a Heaven world that is as alive as this one is; where people live in houses, have hobbies, work, etc. just as we do here, albeit with bodies made of a different material. I no longer need proof from one of my five senses, as men define them, although it is these same senses that guide me today, they are just more sensitive to the “inner planes of consciousness: the Astral Plane, the Etheric Plane, Mental Planes, and Causal Plane. There are more, I’m sure, but these are the only ones of which I have had contact.
Each vision came in my early 30’s after I had lived in ignorance, in chaos, because it was my mind/ego that was making my decisions; and yet, I always sought to understand why my life was as it was, but only because I did not trust my own psychic gifts, when they were shown to me at the age of 11 ½. It took me years and years of practice to learn to recognize Spirit’s voice, or ‘clue’; to learn that answers to my prayers came in very ordinary ways, and so subtly that I had to always ‘pay attention’ after I’d made a request for information. At first, Spirit suggested I create what they called My Doubt File. In it I’d write down each request for understanding, or assistance, and then when I finally realized that the problem had been solved, I’d backtrack to figure out how and when I’d received the solution. It was in this way that I learned how to recognize my intuitive feeling, in my solar plexus, my inner voice in my head, and Spirit’s messages which came from any of my five senses. But, still, I must work at trusting it. So, don’t quit. Just keep on keeping on and one day you, too, will realize that there is a Heaven World, and that those who live there are constantly trying to communicate with us here, to help whenever they can. The Heaven World is the greatest untapped resource I’ve ever know, even now with the Internet at our fingertips.
If I can be of service, please let me know. I hope this story gives you peace and hope.
*For a fuller description of these Cosmic Laws, see the Articles Section of the website.
Feeling Like A Victim: A Teaching from the Spirit World
Until my mid-thirties, I felt like a victim and blamed God for whatever was ‘wrong’ with my life – and this had to be confronted with Him, regardless of “what” or “who” I thought “He” was. I tried to avoid this, or deny it for many reasons, all of them involving pain and hard work. I know now why I was a victim and what I needed to do to heal. It is my relationship with God, my Creator. I learned this by living it. And then, I was reminded of it in a vision early one morning, at the age of 66, more than 40 years after I had first realized this was true for me. Here’s the gist of the vision.
Until now, I wasn’t aware that this was how I had become a victim. For me, it began when I had lived when Jesus lived on Earth. I had been a follower of his, then, but, had never understood his references to God, Our Father, and I was too embarrassed by my ignorance and too afraid of his rejection, to ask him for more details. So, I lived out that incarnation falsely believing that he must be “God”. He certainly acted like Him.
This set me up to believe two things: one was that if I loved others as he had, I could also heal them, as he had, and as he had taught I could. And second, that there must be other ‘men’ who were as “perfect” as he was. His disciples had taught Christianity for many years by now. It was these two false beliefs that were the foundation of this incarnation’s lessons, which included my choice of a family. They truly and fully believed Society was God, and that if I followed societal laws, I’d find health, wealth and happiness. And because my father had, and my mother had found two out of the three, it was difficult as a child to discount their beliefs, even though they were different from mine.
But, alas, when I was about 11 ½, my belief in both Society and my parents, was shattered. Thankfully, the ‘real’ God, was there to take over and has been my constant companion ever since. For the next 4-5 years I believed and followed my inner God’s advice, and my life was happy and fulfilling, but then, at about the age of 16, my mother said something that rang true to me, and also opposed my current spiritual beliefs. As I thought about it, I erred towards her opinion, rather than that of my inner God, and that ended my happiness, although I wasn’t aware of this at the time. Instead, when their advice would fail, as it always did sooner or later, I became angry and resentful of them. At first it was just the person whose advice I had taken, in faith and trust that it was right, but then, this expanded to include all in Authority whose words I had trusted: clergy, doctors, police, teachers, etc.
It wasn’t until I was about 29 years old that I sought out God again, and thankfully, He replied, as if no time had passed at all. And perhaps the first thing I learned from Him was that I had been responsible for everything that had happened to me – EVERYTHING! And He was able to prove it to me, beyond any shadow of a doubt, again and again. There was not ONE experience he could not prove to me had been my responsibility. Not one. I became a believer, in God, and in His power, His wisdom and His love.
Back to the vision. I had experienced many years believing God was a (hu)Man, and they were dark years. I know the suffering, the pain, and the mental, emotional and spiritual confusion that accompanied this belief. But, all of my pain and suffering was worth it. I reaped ever so many benefits I could only value and appreciate because of these years, believing I was a victim. Just one of those rewards is the deep compassion, understanding, and love I feel for those who are in this same stage of their own spiritual or soul growth.
Today, as I journeyed back to that time in my life, I realized that I had always known thatGod existed, in some form, even then. But, I was choosing to deny it because I was angry with Him. I was young, and blaming Him for my pain and suffering, was easier than trying to take responsibility and figure out why I was suffering. And then, in my defense, I was the only one who might have believed this. I lived in a community of people who believed that Society was God, and therefore the Authority.
I healed as much as I could when I renewed my relationship with Him at age 29, but, even today, there are still times when fear, anger, doubt, or guilt cause inner discomfort and discontent which drives me to seek resolution – and once in a while, I still seek relief, or answers first through others; and then, when I can’t find it this way, finally, I remember that this way doesn’t work, and I go to God and ask for His help. And He always gives it. In the old days, though, it would have been words like “force”, and “no other way”, or “my back is against the wall, and I have no where to turn”, or “what am I to do???????”
This would have been my motivation to seek God’s help. I’d have exhausted every other resource, and I’d have scratched my head and tried every one I could possibly think of, knocked on every door, and only when none had opened, would I have resigned myself to the ‘last resort’ – God – or Something Invisible that May or MAY NOT exist! But, I’d say to myself, “what the heck. You don’t have any other options. It’s take it or leave it, kiddo.” And I’d eventually always take it, because the pain was too strong, or too broad, or too something to ignore or avoid anymore. This was how I met and learned to trust that God is real, that God really does have the power to help me, to heal me, to forgive me, to……..fill in the blank. He can and will do it. Trust me. Try it.
This was my revelation today: realizing that it is only through struggle, pain, suffering, anger, fear, doubt, guilt and shame that I met and consciously worked at maintaining my relationship with God. It ‘feels’ much easier to go to another person for help, when I am feeling there is no God – that He is just a figment of my imagination.
It was just the day before that I had read that those who do not know God exists will come to those such as myself who do, because they want to believe, and they are seeking reassurance, hope, and faith from me. I hadn’t understood at the time. Strange though this looks, at least to my eyes, I hadn’t understood the whole cycle from fear to faith before this morning. It is my fear, anger, doubt, etc. that blocks my recognition of God’s voice, which is an inner voice, sometimes a feeling that is felt about something that is read, or words heard in a song, or something that someone else is sharing. I know it is the answer to my prayer by the feeling it gives me of “goose bumps”, or warmth in my body, or blushing, or a feeling of inner calm.
Whenever feel the need to rescue others, or more accurately, want to try, as I had been raised believe this was being a Good Samaritan, I hope I am reminded of this vision. I hope this is not another time when I will ‘get it and forget it’, which happens to me with spiritual information.
At least in this moment, I know that if I “help” these people, be they here on Earth, or in the Astral World, I am making it take longer for them to meet their personal God or to know that He is real, to know that He is the ONLY ONE who can heal them. I can postpone their misery, but sometimes I even make it much worse, because as a human being, I make mistakes. God does not. Any way it happens, they suffer more because of my false belief that I am helping…..UNLESS Spirit has ASKED me to do so. Then, it is not my ego that is trying to serve itself as a rescuer, but Someone From The Other Side that sees that I CAN offer some assistance. This is very different from rescuing, which only serves me, even though it ‘appears’ to serve you.
And, blessedly, as I love my work for God and Spirit, I am often asked to pass along a message from someone’s Spirit Representative or Higher Self, and then, It is right. When I am asked to act as a channel, it is an indication that you are ready, willing and able to receive the help from your Spirit Guide, so what is shared is often revelatory, insightful and gives you that most wonderful feeling of inner peace. And more help from the Spirit World always follows when you are grateful for, and can act on, what has been offered.
With true channeling, every word rings true, every word offers healing, offers understanding, and offers relief from the pain. You never leave hurting. Never. Crooked paths are made straight. There is a flow (of energy) that is a stream of consciousness. It comes directly from The Other Side, from your Spirit Guides, or Higher Self, or your personal God, whoever or whatever that word might mean to you, and with it, so much healing, loving energy that it is difficult to describe. Once you have experienced it, you recognize it. It is often referred to as Comforting energy. And, no matter how sad, or scared, or how much psychic pain you were in when we began the session, you will leave feeling better, much better. You will have received a healing from God, The Comforter.
The only criteria is that you know you are responsible for your life experiences, and that you sincerely, earnestly want to know your Higher Self’s opinion, want Its help, Its advice. This is another way of saying your ego is ready to surrender – surrender your personal way of handling the situation. It requires courage and strength. Lots of it, because your ego loves being your inner god, loves the power of it, and is terrified of letting go. But, you have it. And your Higher Self will know when this is true. Then, if I can be of service to you, your Higher Self/Spirit Guide will see to it that you find me. When the student is ready, the teacher DOES appear.